Friday, August 27, 2004

Letter to My Little Brother

Dear Chris

I never imagined that it would hurt so much to lose my little brother, but I think that's because I never imagined that I would have to lose my little brother. It's really not supposed to be that way. Little brothers are just always supposed to be there.

I thought we had more time... time to say all the things I thought I would eventually get around to saying.

Despite the usual sibling difficulties between us, I do have some wonderful memories of you and I growing up together, especially those times when it was just you and me in our own little world. Those were the times when you were the only other person who knew me.

Remember how we would wile weekend mornings away watching cartoons, how I would flush your "suckey" down the toilet, how I took that picture of you in my nightdress that mom made you wear (I never did show it to anyone - well, not very many anyways...)?

Remember when we were little how we would run, play and chase each other, tease, taunt and scream, just like all kids do...?

Remember when "You are my Sunshine" could make everything better?

Remember how, when you would get someone mad, you would run and hide behind me and say "MY Big Sister will get you!"? Do you remember how many people I had to "get"? I may have shown it outwardly as annoyance in those times, but really I was proud that you had such admiration of me and my strength. There are no words to describe my frustration that I couldn't protect you this one last time.

Over time, as we grew up through the years, you grew taller than I... much taller… and our lives diverged on separate paths, but always in my heart you were my little brother.

You will always be my little brother.

I feel sad, even angry, that you were taken from this world too soon. Before I could really learn who you were becoming, before you could live out your dreams, before you could have children of your own to play with the way you played with mine. I yearn for all the opportunities that now can never be.

I'm sorry for all the times we fought, and sorry for all the times we didn't.

You lived your life on the edge, full of adventure, and I know it wasn't always easy, but for you the freedom was thrilling. You weren't afraid to be real, to challenge, to bend the rules, and to make your own space where there was no room at all.

So many evils still wait to befall us all here, yet for you unkindness and wickedness will not prevail. I hope that you have found some peace, understanding, and a little bit of adventure, where ever you are.

So my Brother, although I would have preferred to see you standing here with us this day than write this letter for you, it has come time to say Goodbye. The mystery of life is indescribable, and the irony unmistakable. It breaks my heart to know that we have been separated by circumstances and forces so beyond our control. It makes it harder to let go, it's been hard to believe that this, this is all there is.


Tribute to My Best Friend

Chris and Geoff


(Written by Chris's Best Friend, Geoff Reimer of Nanaimo, BC, and read at the Funeral)

Chris was & will always be my life long friend.

Such friends are very hard to come by, so I am really going to miss him. I feel like a huge part of my heart was taken away when Chris was taken from us. But in a way I feel that Chris is at peace now. I'm sure he's upstairs arguing with his Dad right now!

Chris was, at times, a little lost in life, but he was making his way back to the Island, the place he loved. I know that he had plans of starting over & I was very much looking forward to that.

I think about having the chance to sit down and have a cool one with him, and talk about all of the good times we had together. I'll never forget the time our friend Steve & I rented some scooters and arrived at Chris' house. He jumped on one and drove it in the house, up and down the hallway.

Chris loved to live life on the wild side. He & I spent many a day jumping ferry waves in my little aluminum boat, or repelling off of cliffs… anything to get your heart racing. Or, we'd just play video games for hours on end.

There are endless stories of our adventures together, but it is now time to say good-bye...

Chris, you will always be in my heart, and I will always miss you.

Good Night Sweetheart, Good Night


R.I.P. Christopher John Perkins

Sleep will banish sorrow.
Tears and parting may make us forlorn,
But with the dawn a new day is born, 
So I'll say Good night, sweetheart, 
Tho' I'm not beside you, Good night, sweetheart, 
Still my love will guide you
Dreams enfold you, in each one I'll hold you,

Good night, sweetheart, good night.

Chris's memorial went well today. It was comforting to see and hear the many things that those that knew him remembered most about him. I enjoyed hearing their kind words and came away knowing my brother a little more than I did before.

I especially want to thank the people who helped me pull it together; Duncan, who graciously did the introduction and summation, Geoff (my brother's best friend) who said the Eulogy in a truly touching and heartwarming manner, Wesley (my son) who read one of my favourite poems; and Nikki (my long time friend who declared "I knew Chris when he was melting GI Joe guys") gave out the flowers bulbs we gave away in remembrance. It was a nice (and quick) ceremony and I was happy to see everyone again, albeit next time I hope it to be under different circumstances...


Monday, August 23, 2004

Life is just what happens to you while you're busy making other plans




Out on the ocean, ship sailing away
I can hardly wait To see you come of age
But I guess we'll just have to be patient
Cause it's a long way to go, a hard row to hoe
Yes it's a long way to go, but in the meantime,

Before you cross the street, take my hand,
Life is just what happens to you
while you're busy making other plans,

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Boy.


cross-posted at Summer's Daydreams

Friday, August 20, 2004

OBITUARY - Chris Perkins


PERKINS: Suddenly, on Sunday, April 8th 2004, Christopher John Perkins of Vancouver, B.C. was killed in a car accident on the Lion's Gate Bridge at the age of 30 years old. He will be lovingly remembered by his mother, Sandie Perkins, his sister, Allie (Duncan) Wojtaszek, his niece and nephew Raven and Wesley, and his best friend Geoff Reimer. Chris was recently predeceased by his father, Reg Perkins, who died in May. Friends and family will be received at a Memorial Service to be held on August 27th 2004 in Aldergrove, British Columbia at 11:00 a.m. Personal Alternative Funeral Home Chapel, 3070 - 275A Street, Aldergrove, British Columbia, V4W 3L4. In lieu of flowers, please consider contributions in Chris's memory to Scouts Canada, 1345 Baseline Road, Ottawa, Ontario, K2C 0A7 or online at Scouts.ca.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Thought of the Day

Everyone says "Sorry you lost your brother," or (like on the radio) "Allie Wojtaszek recently lost her brother in a motor vehicle accident." I know they are trying to be delicate and mean well...

But, I didn't "lose" my brother. Somebody killed him. He didn't just die, he was killed. Because of the poor choices somebody made while they were driving. If more people thought about it like this then maybe there would be less fatal accidents.

You look for lost people. I know exactly where my brother is.

Cross-posted at Summer's Daydreams

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Recently I have been trying to take just one day at a time...

But today it seems that several of them stuck up and hit me all at once. What a long day I had today. I feel like I was on the phone forever; I'm tired and I have a headache. But hopefully by tomorrow evening I will be able to declare that my brother's arrangements are in place and that we have a memorial to go to.

Duncan brought me back a box of photo's from my Mom when he was in Calgary that I just finished scanning and making picture disks for people. Interestingly enough, one of those pictures was a cute little picture of my brother wearing my frilly nightgown on Christmas morning when he was six. This picture was often the source of embarrassment for him, which ofcourse (being a fine and upstanding sister) I capitalized on as much as possible. When I first scanned this picture in, the file showed up blank. It was just a white picture. That made me smile. I figured if my brother really didn't want me to include that picture on his photodisk then the same would be repeated when I scanned it the second time as well (then that really would constitute a sign).



Isn't that cute? I almost forgot he was also wearing my pink housecoat. He would so kick my ass if he was here...

Sunday, August 15, 2004

On the edge of something much too deep...

Remember all the good times that we had
Let them slip away from us when things got bad
Clearly I first saw you, smiling in the sun
I want to feel your warmth upon me,
I want to be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired,I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much
but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, we can't be heard

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose...

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories



Sarah McLachlan


Cross-posted at Summer's Daydreams

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Only Time...


Who can say where the road goes,
Where the day flows?
Only time...

And who can say if your love grows,
As your heart chose?
Only time...

Who can say why your heart sighs,
As your love flies?
Only time...

And who can say why your heart cries,
When your love dies?
Only time...

Who can say when the roads meet,
That love might be,
In your heart.

And who can say when the day sleeps,
If the night keeps all your heart?
Night keeps all your heart...

Enya


Cross-posted at Summer's Daydreams

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Today, 1974 seems so long ago.


Nana and Poppy at Chris's Naming ceremony

Letter to the Editor

Brother's traffic death illustrates need to focus on safety
World Health Organisation designates road safety as a global public health issue

Published in: The Edmonton Journal, Vancouver Sun, The Province

My brother, Chris Perkins, was killed on the Lion's Gate Bridge in Vancouver on Aug. 8.

He was trying to direct cars around a stalled vehicle that was blocking traffic over the bridge. He was hit by a vehicle from behind, thrown more than three metres, and killed instantly. He had just turned 30 years old.

This year the World Health Organization designated road safety as a global public health issue, stating that road traffic deaths ranked second only to HIV/AIDS in leading causes of death for people aged one to 44. Each year, many more than a million people are killed on roads, and 50 million more are injured in some way.

It does seem to be an unavoidable fact that accidents happen, but by their very nature they are almost always preventable. Admittedly, few drivers set out to kill anyone, but this detail rarely eases the pain of the road bereaved.

The reality is that road safety is not an accident. It is up to each one of us to take the actions necessary to limit traffic-related injuries and fatalities, regardless of how we are using the roadway.

Slow down. Speed is a factor in many road accidents, and it can turn any situation into a fatal one in just a few seconds.

Look where you're going. When driving, maintain an accurate perception of what is going on around you so you always have time to react appropriately.

Be considerate of other road users, and try to keep a safe zone in mind when passing an emergency situation on the road. You never know when someone is going to be suddenly in front of you.

And for pedestrians; remember, the only thing that can stop a car is the driver. Be careful of how much trust with which you step out onto a road. You never know when or how that driver might be distracted. Some mistakes can't be fixed.

My brother was somebody important and, like everyone else, he had dreams and a life to live, a life that ended much too soon. I only had one brother. Please slow down.

Allie Wojtaszek, Edmonton

Monday, August 9, 2004

How is it that a life can be reduced to this?


(link broken/archived)

It's weird when you spend your time reading about other people's misfortunes in the news to suddenly be faced with seeing your own with such candidacy. For everyone looking at this story, that's just a body of someone they didn't know, someone who tried to help, who tried to do what was right as they saw fit, someone they are easily distanced from, or worse yet, just another headline. It's odd to try to see this from that point of view.

For me, that's my baby brother under that blanket. His name is Chris Perkins and he turned 30 in July. That's the last image I will ever see of him. Sometimes life really bites you in the ass. This has been a really bad year for that.

Cross-posted on Summer's Daydreams

Sunday, August 8, 2004

Key Words

I've started this blog as a place to remember my little brother, Chris Perkins, who was born on a sunny July day in 1974 in the Vancouver General Hospital. Chris lived a life full of fun and adventure until 30 years later when his life would be cut short in a careless, preventable accident on the Lion's Gate Bridge.

Many people miss Chris, and many still look for him. I have no other way then the internet to get the sad news to them, I hope that they forgive me if they are discovering it for the first time now, in this way.

The keywords were meant for you to find this place, so please feel free to explore. You can go to the most recent blog entry here and work backwards, or start at the beginning of the story here.

If you have something you want to contribute or say, please leave a comment with an email address and I will get back to you.

Deas Gu Cath.

_________
Keywords:
Christopher, Chris, John, Perkins, Nanaimo, Vancouver, Calgary, Abbotsford, Vancouver Island, British Columbia, Alberta, Mt. Benson Elementary, Wellington High School, Boy Scouts, C Scot R, 2422, Canadian Scottish Regiment, B Coy, Geoff Reimer, Allison, Allie, Smyth, Wojtaszek, Reg, Reginald, Sandie, accident, August 08 2004, Aug, car, Lions Gate Bridge, passenger, van, killed, died, "Christopher Braden Robinson," Edson, sibling-loss, grief