Seven Years Already

Seven years you've been gone now, and it likely goes without saying that we still all miss you and think of you. Everyday.

It's funny how time passes and things become "normal." I know it's "normal" that you are not here anymore, during times that you should have been, but it doesn't mean it feels right. It's a process I guess, one of forced acceptance but with a sincere desire to do anything possible to change it while knowing there is nothing to be done. I think the only real word for it is "unfair."

Wesley graduated from High School - was accepted into three universities! Raven finished Grade 10 with Honours with Distinction! Geoff and Giselle had a baby boy, Isak. He's so lovely! I know you would love him. Duncan and I had our 7th wedding anniversary. All these things you should be here for to celebrate with us - and maybe since we hold you close in our hearts you are.

I don't know what else to do... Except to try to dream of you. And wonder if you're dreaming too... Wherever you are...

Six Years Later...

I still think about you, every day.

Miss you!

Wherever you are

Day 16 — A song that makes you cry

“Where Ever You Are”

I’ve hung a wish on ev’ry star

It hasn’t done much good so far

I can only dream of you

Wherever you are

I’ll hear you laugh

I’ll see you smile

I’ll be with you

Just for a while

But when the morning comes

And the sun begins to rise

I will lose you

Because it’s just a dream

When I open up my eyes

I will lose you

I used to believe in forever

But forever’s too good to be true

I’ve hung a wish on ev’ry star

It hasn’t done much good so far

I don’t know what else to do

Except to try to dream of you

And wonder if you’re dreaming too

Wherever you are

This song is from “Pooh’s Grand Adventure: The Search For Christopher Robin” released in 1997. I associate this with the death of Princess Diana, who died on August 31st of that year, but more recently the song has taken on new meaning for me.

This song illustrates how I feel about losing my little brother. With Pooh Bear’s words, there’s both a simple desperation of need and a more sobering realization that the situation is beyond his control even though he has literally done everything he thinks he can to affect the situation.

This song is full of childhood hope and I love the innocence of Pooh Bear. Wishing is what we do but when it doesn’t help he resorts to dreaming… the memories come easier in his dreams and he doesn’t feel so alone or abandoned - until he wakes up.

When he says “I used to believe in forever, but forever is too good to be true,” that’s the part that gets me every time. I feel bad that Pooh has to be faced with this loss of innocence and when he says (in such a defeated, exasperated voice) “I don’t know what else to do…” well, I know exactly how he feels.

I don’t know what else to do, except to try and dream of you…

Crossposted at ALLIE ON THE GO as part of the Tumblr 30 day challenge.

I Still Miss You...

Missing you in life has almost become normal. I say that and think it sounds weird but it's almost like you have gone far away and I can't communicate with you but there still is a spot/place in my life for you where you fit in.

A brother shaped hole in the universe.

Memories where you once have been. When I think of you it's like you are still here - and in a way you are.

A Brother Shaped Hole in the Universe