Letter to My Little Brother

Dear Chris

I never imagined that it would hurt so much to lose my little brother, but I think that's because I never imagined that I would have to lose my little brother. It's really not supposed to be that way. Little brothers are just always supposed to be there.

I thought we had more time... time to say all the things I thought I would eventually get around to saying.

Despite the usual sibling difficulties between us, I do have some wonderful memories of you and I growing up together, especially those times when it was just you and me in our own little world. Those were the times when you were the only other person who knew me.

Remember how we would wile weekend mornings away watching cartoons, how I would flush your "suckey" down the toilet, how I took that picture of you in my nightdress that mom made you wear (I never did show it to anyone - well, not very many anyways...)?

Remember when we were little how we would run, play and chase each other, tease, taunt and scream, just like all kids do...?

Remember when "You are my Sunshine" could make everything better?

Remember how, when you would get someone mad, you would run and hide behind me and say "MY Big Sister will get you!"? Do you remember how many people I had to "get"? I may have shown it outwardly as annoyance in those times, but really I was proud that you had such admiration of me and my strength. There are no words to describe my frustration that I couldn't protect you this one last time.

Over time, as we grew up through the years, you grew taller than I... much taller… and our lives diverged on separate paths, but always in my heart you were my little brother.

You will always be my little brother.

I feel sad, even angry, that you were taken from this world too soon. Before I could really learn who you were becoming, before you could live out your dreams, before you could have children of your own to play with the way you played with mine. I yearn for all the opportunities that now can never be.

I'm sorry for all the times we fought, and sorry for all the times we didn't.

You lived your life on the edge, full of adventure, and I know it wasn't always easy, but for you the freedom was thrilling. You weren't afraid to be real, to challenge, to bend the rules, and to make your own space where there was no room at all.

So many evils still wait to befall us all here, yet for you unkindness and wickedness will not prevail. I hope that you have found some peace, understanding, and a little bit of adventure, where ever you are.

So my Brother, although I would have preferred to see you standing here with us this day than write this letter for you, it has come time to say Goodbye. The mystery of life is indescribable, and the irony unmistakable. It breaks my heart to know that we have been separated by circumstances and forces so beyond our control. It makes it harder to let go, it's been hard to believe that this, this is all there is.

Tribute to My Best Friend

Chris and Geoff

(Written by Chris's Best Friend, Geoff Reimer of Nanaimo, BC, and read at the Funeral)

Chris was & will always be my life long friend.

Such friends are very hard to come by, so I am really going to miss him. I feel like a huge part of my heart was taken away when Chris was taken from us. But in a way I feel that Chris is at peace now. I'm sure he's upstairs arguing with his Dad right now!

Chris was, at times, a little lost in life, but he was making his way back to the Island, the place he loved. I know that he had plans of starting over & I was very much looking forward to that.

I think about having the chance to sit down and have a cool one with him, and talk about all of the good times we had together. I'll never forget the time our friend Steve & I rented some scooters and arrived at Chris' house. He jumped on one and drove it in the house, up and down the hallway.

Chris loved to live life on the wild side. He & I spent many a day jumping ferry waves in my little aluminum boat, or repelling off of cliffs… anything to get your heart racing. Or, we'd just play video games for hours on end.

There are endless stories of our adventures together, but it is now time to say good-bye...

Chris, you will always be in my heart, and I will always miss you.

Good Night Sweetheart, Good Night

R.I.P. Christopher John Perkins

Sleep will banish sorrow.

Tears and parting may make us forlorn,

But with the dawn a new day is born, 

So I'll say Good night, sweetheart, 

Tho' I'm not beside you, Good night, sweetheart, 

Still my love will guide you

Dreams enfold you, in each one I'll hold you,

Good night, sweetheart, good night.

Chris's memorial went well today. It was comforting to see and hear the many things that those that knew him remembered most about him. I enjoyed hearing their kind words and came away knowing my brother a little more than I did before.

I especially want to thank the people who helped me pull it together; Duncan, who graciously did the introduction and summation, Geoff (my brother's best friend) who said the Eulogy in a truly touching and heartwarming manner, Wesley (my son) who read one of my favourite poems; and Nikki (my long time friend who declared "I knew Chris when he was melting GI Joe guys") gave out the flowers bulbs we gave away in remembrance. It was a nice (and quick) ceremony and I was happy to see everyone again, albeit next time I hope it to be under different circumstances...

OBITUARY - Chris Perkins

PERKINS: Suddenly, on Sunday, April 8th 2004, Christopher John Perkins of Vancouver, B.C. was killed in a car accident on the Lion's Gate Bridge at the age of 30 years old. He will be lovingly remembered by his mother, Sandie Perkins, his sister, Allie (Duncan) Wojtaszek, his niece and nephew Raven and Wesley, and his best friend Geoff Reimer. Chris was recently predeceased by his father, Reg Perkins, who died in May. Friends and family will be received at a Memorial Service to be held on August 27th 2004 in Aldergrove, British Columbia at 11:00 a.m. Personal Alternative Funeral Home Chapel, 3070 - 275A Street, Aldergrove, British Columbia, V4W 3L4. In lieu of flowers, please consider contributions in Chris's memory to Scouts Canada, 1345 Baseline Road, Ottawa, Ontario, K2C 0A7 or online at Scouts.ca.